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Barrier Busting
The Barrier Busting podcast offers insights, strategies, and inspiring stories that explore practical tips and powerful tools for unlocking our full potential.
Barrier Busting
Why We Fail at New Year's Resolutions, and How To Make Them Stick
What if embracing the chaos of New Year's resolutions could lead you to a year of fulfillment and joy? Join me, Matt Brooks, on the Barrier Busting Podcast as we unlock the secrets behind this ancient tradition, tracing its roots back over 4,000 years to the Babylonians and Romans. Explore why turning the page to a new year holds such symbolic power, yet often leads to resolutions that falter by February. Together, we'll dissect the common pitfalls, like setting goals too lofty without a roadmap, and transform those insights into practical strategies for 2025.
As we stand on the cusp of a new year, let's shift our focus from grandiose ambitions to building sustainable habits that align with our deepest aspirations. This episode is your guide to crafting resolutions that bring genuine happiness and peace. I'll share actionable techniques to help you approach your 2025 goals with a mindset geared toward realistic achievement and long-term success. Don't miss out on valuable habit-building insights from past episodes, curated to support you on this journey. Wishing you a wonderful New Year filled with success and joy—let's make it a memorable one!
Are you feeling stuck, trapped by barriers holding you back from reaching your full potential? Well, let's bust through those barriers so that you can live your best life. Hi, I'm Matt Brooks, founder of Matt Brooks Coaching, and I'm passionate about helping people overcome barriers to achieve success. Join me for insights, strategies and inspiring stories as we explore practical tips and powerful tools to unlock your true potential. This is the Barrier Busting Podcast.
Speaker 1:It wasn't always easy to go through the holidays. There were years when I was alone. So for all you out there who are not enjoying the holidays, I'm sending you my love too, but to everybody else, I hope you're having a wonderful holiday season with your family and friends. This episode is going to air the day before Christmas Eve, even though it's an episode on New Year's resolutions. Now, why am I doing that? Well, it's simple. We tend to think, from the minute Christmas is over, the minute we're done with Christmas, we start if we're prone to making new year's resolutions, we start thinking about what those resolutions will be, and I thought I'd put this out there so you'd have this information throughout that week. Maybe it'll help you as you're thinking through this.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's talk about the new year and New Year's Eve. Because here we are. What do we do on New Year's Eve? Well, we party, right? We party up a storm, it's a big night for that. But we also make resolutions. And what do we do shortly after New Year's Eve? We break or give up on those resolutions, right? Why? What is this whole ritual about? And why do we do it year after year, especially if we continue to fail? What's up with that, right? Furthermore, why is this tradition upon the new year? You ever think about that? Why not on our birthdays, or Halloween, for that matter? Why the new year? And you know when did this whole thing begin? Where does this come from? Well, it turns out this has been a thing for quite a while, about 4,000 years in fact.
Speaker 1:The first recorded history we have regarding resolutions or pledges made upon the new year comes from the Babylonians, who recognized the beginning of the year upon the beginning of the planning season in March. They would have a 12-day celebration. They'd have parades and rites and all kinds of things, and all of it was meant to symbolize overcoming the forces of chaos. Isn't that interesting? Because we look back on the previous year and think about what we would have wished. We would have done better and, in their case, they were overcoming the forces of chaos. I see that as a very similar thing. The Romans also celebrated and made pledges at the beginning of their new year, which also was in March, until Julius Caesar changed everything, with the Julian calendar recognizing January 1st as the beginning of the new year, which also was in March, until Julius Caesar changed everything, with the Julian calendar recognizing January 1st as the beginning of the new year. Changing the date in part was to honor the Roman god, janus, who had two faces, one looking forward and one looking backward. In fact, in Rome, statues of Janus were often seen in doorways, representing a transition into something new.
Speaker 1:Many other cultures have celebrated the new year and also made pledges, just like we do today, and all to represent an optimism for the future, a fresh start. We look back to review and reflect and we look forward with hope and renewed energy, and we look forward with hope and renewed energy. So the new year is like an opportunity to hit the refresh button on your life. When something comes to an end, there's always a new beginning. We look back on our past year's achievements and failures and we use this sort of refresh button to start a new beginning, or what we hope will be a new beginning, that we have a renewed sense of hope that things will be better, that we can make improvements in our lives and in ourselves. So, given this overwhelming sense of tradition that we all experience and I mean all of us all over the world why do we fail so miserably at this?
Speaker 1:Here's some interesting statistics. Roughly 70% of us make New Year's resolution, and almost that many typically make three or more resolutions. This year I'm going to lose weight, go to the gym regularly, start a new hobby, socialize more, cut down on carbs, stop drinking soda, read more, etc. However, only about 9% of us actually complete those resolutions. Get these numbers 23% give up on their New Year's resolution within the first week. 43% quit or fail by the end of January and 80% quit or fail by the end of February 80%. So why is this? What's going on here? Think about it and be honest. How many New Year's resolutions have you made in your life and how many actually happened? Come on, be honest. Well, I suppose that when it comes to abandoning our resolutions, there's probably as many reasons as there are people, but there are some reasons that are more common than others.
Speaker 1:The most common reason, of course, is that our goals are set way too high. We think too big. We decide on broad, sweeping changes, but often with nowhere near enough thought behind how to achieve them. We have high ambitions, but they may hinge on unsustainable or unrealistic methods to achieve them. You might hope to become fluent in a foreign language, set yourself a goal of reading 50 books this year, or even quit your job to become a circus clown, for that matter. I'm not saying that those things are impossible to achieve. But let's be real here. The likelihood that you'll make such sweeping changes is slim. And let's be real here as well. Big changes feel cool, right, they feel cool to think of and say, but humans are not necessarily good at making big sweep changes. We aren't.
Speaker 1:Big changes don't come easily, and in order to achieve them and this is one of the reasons why they don't come easily there must be a certain level of discomfort, and typically for a long time. We don't like being uncomfortable for long. It's not in our nature. We seek comfort. So without solid reasons that motivate us to stay the course throughout, we will likely give up.
Speaker 1:New habits are not easy to create, and if you haven't had a chance to listen. The first several episodes of this podcast were on the topic of habits, and I would directly direct you in particular to episodes two and three, which essentially discuss how to build new habits and break bad ones. So, in terms of setting unrealistically high goals, perhaps the reason we don't succeed is that our eyes are too big for our stomachs. Seriously, we're humans, not sports cars. We can't go from zero to 60 in three seconds and, my friends, wishful thinking is not enough. We're going to take a quick break here and when we return, we're going to look a little more closely at the reasons why we often fail at our New Year's resolutions, and I'll have some recommendations for ways to Back in a bit.
Speaker 2:Feeling overwhelmed, Struggling to find balance in your daily life? At Matt Brooks Coaching, we get it and we can help. With over 25 years of nonprofit executive experience and an MSW with a clinical focus, Matt Brooks offers personalized coaching designed to help you rise above your challenges and live your best life. Whether you aim to advance your career, enhance your skills or simply find more clarity and peace, Matt is here to be your partner and ally. Visit mattbrookscoachingcom to book your free discovery session today. Take the first step towards a brighter tomorrow.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's look at a few more common reasons for not achieving our New Year's resolutions. Here's a biggie Tradition, and let's be clear about this Tradition is not a solid enough reason. Really it's not. We need to have a why, as in why are we really doing this? And that why needs to be solid enough to motivate us to do all the work necessary to make the change. If we're doing it out of a sense of tradition rather than really thinking through our why why this particular goal is so important then without careful thought to determine the why, we tend to fail. So don't make a resolution for tradition's sake or because you feel pressured to do what everyone else is doing. You'll most likely be setting yourself up for failure. You've got to dig deep to know your personal reasons for the goal and determine if it's really important enough to you to do all you need to do to create this change. Then, once you are absolutely clear on your why, think through and evaluate all possible routes to achieving it. Don't just go the most obvious route. There may be other methods. You can use other paths that will lead to the same end and those other paths might work better for you Instead of setting a goal, say, for reading 50 books.
Speaker 1:Ask what are you really after here? You want to expand your knowledge base. That's what you're really after. Okay, what is most interesting to you? Perhaps, instead of saying you'll read 50 books, say you want to be exposed to two new topics this year. Let's say, for example, art, history and I don't know, baking. Start small and read what you can when you can. Now, instead of potentially failing at reading 50 books, you have instead broadened your knowledge base, regardless of how many books you read.
Speaker 1:Another reason we fail is believe it or not optimism. Now, we need optimism to change. We need to believe we can do it, but it is nowhere near enough to carry us through. We need realism too. Be realistic. Set attainable goals. Make sure that the goal and everything you will need to do to achieve it is sustainable. Ask yourself does this feel sustainable? Am I going to have the discipline to really sustain this thing?
Speaker 1:We also fail because we simply might not truly be ready for change, and that's a fair reason, by the way. Oh, it sure feels good to say we'll make some type of change and think we'll do it, something that, in our mind, will be a huge improvement in our lives. But if you're not ready for the change, it's a fool's errand. You've got to really want it, but you've also got to be ready to accept it. And if there's something you want to change which, for instance, is something you do to self-soothe, like eating too many sweets or smoking pot every night after work or things like that then it's even going to be harder to change if you're not really ready. So listen, just be realistic, not grandiose.
Speaker 1:Another big reason we fail is that we focus too much on our goals and not enough on our systems. If you listen to my earlier podcast on habits, I discussed many ideas from James Clear's book Atomic Habits A great book. I can't recommend it enough. One was his point that goals give us direction to go in, but it's our systems that encompass the processes that lead to the results. As Clear states, you don't rise to the level of your goals. You fail to the level of your systems. We really need to think through our systems or put in place new systems that will truly support these goals. Again, I talk a lot about this in my prior podcasts on habits, so you can get several ideas on implementing good systems from those episodes. Mainly, though, it speaks to how carefully one should think through a resolution, not make it on a whim or because it feels good to say, but rather carefully think through not just the goal and the why behind the goal, but the systems that will need to be in place to achieve the goal.
Speaker 1:Now let's go back to the first reason I mentioned in terms of failing to achieve our New Year's resolutions. Our goals are set way too high. In a sense, our eyes are too big for our stomachs. My advice make smaller, more easily attainable goals that may eventually lead to that bigger goal. Instead of saying something general like you're going to lose weight, or something big like you plan to lose 30 pounds, decide that your goal will be to lose 3 pounds a month. This is easier to focus on and easier to achieve. And guess what? If you falter from time to time and you will falter that bag of chips, bowl of Tootsie Rolls or basket of onion rings will get you, if you stick to your goal as best you can, three pounds a month, then by the end of the year those 30 pounds might be gone. Three pounds a month is also something that's achievable and if, for the most part, you achieve this, what you lose. Having done it in such a methodical way will very likely be sustainable.
Speaker 1:So make small and reachable goals, ones that are easier to stick with day after day, ones that are easier to stick with day after day. Ease into the change. Start with small, simple and attainable steps. Build smaller daily habits that will eventually add up to bigger habits. And if you think, little daily habits don't add up, winston Churchill, prime Minister of England during the World War II period, right, winston Churchill had two interesting daily habits writing and, of all things, bricklaying. He had a saying 2,000 words and 200 bricks a day. Now, I don't know how many walls he built, but he published 43 books in 72 volumes and, as best we can tell, he wrote about 2,500 speeches. And he did all this, by the way, while being a bit distracted by a few other things like running a country and fighting a world war.
Speaker 1:Look, the new year is a time for reflection and it is a time for renewed hope in the future. We should take some time to reevaluate our lives and use that information to inspire us on a better, more productive path forward. All I'm saying is that, if you want to be in the 9% of people who actually do succeed at their New Year's resolutions, actually achieve their goals, then there's more involved than just making a grand statement. Put some real thought into it and how you can go about doing it and then go forth and kick ass.
Speaker 1:I know this is another short episode, but I don't want to bog you down. I just want to give you a few great ideas Again. You can go back and listen to those episodes on habits to get more information on how to build new habits and how that will help you create systems that will support your new year's resolutions. But for now, happy new year everyone. Let's hope 2025 brings us all happiness, fulfillment and peace. Thanks again for listening. Be well and I'll catch you next time on the Barrier Busting Podcast. Thank you.
